Terri Hout

 Reflections From A Mother's Heart

It was so long ago; confused, afraid, alone. I quickly signed my name.  Soon, it would be done.  Not one word was spoken, how the little body would be torn and broken; no mention of life.  Finally, it was done. 

The years went by.  Not one tear did I cry, my secret safely hidden deep within.  Then I read one day of an unborn child thrown away and suddenly, it all came back again. 

With pain in my heart and tears in my eyes, for the first time I realized you died unknown and unwanted.  You never had a name or a chance to run and play, and I ... I never had a chance to love you.

Time has past.  It's been a long, painful journey working through this grief.  But God's grace is sufficient, and His tender love and forgiveness have given my guilty heart relief. 

Oh, there will always be tears and that deep sense of loss.  At times now when I see a baby, I try to picture your face. For a brief moment, I think of what might have been, and my empty arms ache. 

My little ones, if I'd only known then what I know now, I would have given you life.  If I could have just one day with you, I would hold you close in my arms.  I would rock you gently and tell you how special you are and how much Jesus loves you.  My little ones, Jesus loves you and so do I. 

Jesus, I know this day can never be, and I know there are many others just like me.  Oh, how I pray that in the midst of their confusion and lonely fear, someone will reach out in love and let them know how much You care.  Help them know the peace only You can give, so that their unborn children might live.

Jesus, there's just one thing more.  For all those precious little ones that were never born, would You take them in Your arms and love them and keep them close to You? 

Jesus loves you, my little ones.  Jesus loves you, and I love you, too!

Reflections From A Mother's Heart was written by Terri Hout on January 8, 1991.  Prior to accepting Christ as her personal Savior in December 1974, Terri had two abortions.  Although she knew Jesus had forgiven her, it was another thirteen years before she was able to forgive herself and work through her grief. 

In January, 1988, God used the song Bring That Child To Me by Steve Chapman to speak to her heart about her own abortions.  In the following months, Terri finally forgave herself and worked through the grief. 

She now shares her testimony publicly and rejoices in God's great love and forgiveness.  She is confident that she will one day see her children in heaven.

Terri had the privilege of serving as a nanny for precious little 2 1/2 month old Anna.  This is Terri holding Anna, who is now nearly four years old.